there is a design...

Last night I was able to listen to my own iPod for the first time in about two months. My FM Transmitter broke so I hadn't been able to listen to it in the car, and then my car charger was in the car when it was stolen and I couldn't find my wall charger. Well, after cleaning up a bit this weekend the wall charger was found and finally I had an hour or two to myself to relax...and since the three new discs of Gilmore Girls Season 7 don't arrive until today or tomorrow, I blissfully sat and read magazines and listened to my own music. It was marvelous. And this song seemed to fill my very bloodstream with hope as it played in my ear:

i always knew
you
in your mother's arms
i have called your name
i have an idea
placed in your mind
to be a better man
i've made a crown
for you
put it in your room
and when the bride groom comes
there will be noise
there will be glad
and a perfect bed
and when you write a poem
i know the words
i know the sounds
before you write it down
when you wear your clothes
i wear them too
i wear your shoes
and your jacket too
i always knew
you
in your mother's arms
i have called you son
i've made amends
between father and son
or if you haven't one
rest in my arms
sleep in my bed
there is a design
to what i did and said...

(vito's ordination song, sufjan stevens)

It reminds me of Jamie's sweet voice, it reminds me of miraculous life, it reminds me of everything good, it reminds me that He heals the brokenhearted, it reminds me of the golden laurel crown which Bridget gave to me two Christmases ago and which sits atop my favorite lamp. I put it on my head and stared out into the dark and let the refrain fill every space in my mind and heart..."there is a design, to what i did and said..."

The light always overcomes the darkness.

Hebrews 12:2
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Retail Therapy

I drove Michael back to school on Sunday evening; the sun was setting at 3:30pm. It was brilliant and cast a kind of flourescent glow on everything it touched. It was like SuperGold. It felt like I was on another planet.

On the way home I stopped at the Premium Outlets and got a new tote bag at the LeSportsac store:

I've loved LeSportsac ever since I was a little girl. I loved anything that sounded foreign. This print is called "Adios Star"by the artist tokidoki...I love it. The character of Adios is a cute little grim reaper, and his girlfriend (dressed in pink) is called Ciao Ciao. There are other assorted characters scattered among the stars...my favorite is a bright little orange candle flame, and my bag has two.

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Life as a Singleton

Dear Diary,

Ate half a pint of Haagen-Daaz for dinner tonight.

v. v. tired.

my heart is full of love

It was super-Travis weekend. Saturday evening Lucy picked me up and we met Dan & Sarah at Virginia's Inn pub for dinner & drinks. Then to The Moore for the much-anticipated event!! We were directed to our seats by flashlight via an aisle attendant who took his job much too seriously (to our admitted delight). Maximo Park opened and I was instantly intrigued by the lead singer in his red patent leather shoes. That guy can do a scissor kick like a legend and he treated us to many. He had so much energy he could barely breathe when talking between songs. I detected a Scottish accent not nearly as thick as my Glasgow lads. We stayed in our seats for probably two or maybe three songs before rushing the stage and scored a prime location, second row of people slightly to the left of center, which means come Travis time we'd be right between Fran and Dougie.

When the show did start it was a frenzy of glee. As the Rocky theme blasted from the speakers and the roadies shone industrial flashlights down the aisle, the band emerged from the back of the theatre in brightly-colored silk boxing robes and made their way through the crowd to the stage. Sarah had gone to the bathroom and reentered the room just as it went dark. Pausing to let her eyes adjust, she felt a tap on her shoulder and someone saying, "Excuse me..." It was Dougie! I am still jealous that she was touched by my favorite Mr. Payne.

They launched right away into "Selfish Jean" and we all bobbed along happily. Right before "As You Are" Lucy shouted "I love you, Fran!!" and she got the most bashful, touched little smile and look in return. Oh, Fran. I think all four of us heard our favorite songs..."As You Are" for Lucy, "Driftwood" for Dan, "My Eyes" for Sarah, and "Turn" for me. After several soul-stirring gazes and flirty smiles from Dougie all three of us girls were ready to faint away like all of those well-documented crazy Beatles fans. Sarah and I clutched each other nervously as Andy climbed atop the orange speaker tower during the second half of the show, as he did last time...once again, he did not fall. Phew!!

For the encore Fran came out alone and sang "20" totally acoustically and unmiked which was beautiful. I was literally three feet from his handsome, earnest face and braced myself for the certainty of sweat droplets raining down on me (I was spared.) Then Dougie came out and the two of them did their infamous cover of "Baby One More Time" which I hadn't heard live since Dan & I first saw them at The Showbox seven years ago. The entire band came out and huddled around each other to do "Flowers in the Window" and they closed of course with "Why Does it Always Rain on Me?" *Sigh* What a spectacular show. They make me so happy. We couldn't stick around this time lurking by the stage doors hoping for a round of hugs and greetings (last time we did meet Andy and Neil and someday by the grace of God I'll speak to Fran and Dougie...if my parents can make friends with James Taylor than I have a great hope the same providence will befall me if I just continue to have faith) but went home on a high. I spoke to my parents on the phone as they had also been at the show and my dad and I spent a good half hour at least dissecting and sharing all of our favorite moments. "One of the best shows I have EVER been to," he declared. Yes, yes. Those are my boys!

But the fun for this fan did not end there...oh no. My friend Becky and I have a list of things to do together before we die and one of them is to attend a show together at the Crystal Ballroom in Portland. So yesterday morning after probably the lovliest breakfast I've ever had with the roommates I picked up our friend Anne from the ferry and we headed down South to Oregon. We picked up Becky, browsed Powell's for a couple of hours, ate dinner at the pub next door to the venue (very delicious curry tuna sandwich for me) and entered the Ballroom to stake out a good spot near the stage (standing room only). I ended up standing directly behind the very same people I'd stood behind the night before which made me chuckle. I kind of love being a secret member of the superfans club. I've experienced it with Better Than Ezra before when I've gone to see them in two cities...anyway, this time I was smart and brought my camera so I'll let the pictures do the talking (I have a weird "fame thing" when it comes to pictures...I get embarassed to take them, like I don't want them to see me taking pictures...so thanks to Anne who was bolder):

Anne, Becky, and I excited for the show to start...

Flowers in the Window (love Fran's dimples)

Fran is sporting a mustache these days ("Like Brandon Flowers," he said) and I think it actually looks quite good. He was funny last night and wore a shirt open wide because he said the mustache was suddenly making him feel "More like a man." The effect would be creepy on most men but I have to say Fran is pretty adorable no matter what.

Andy came out into the crowd to play a solo this time instead of climbing on the speakers. He went all the way to the back of the crowd and played on his back a la Jimi before making his way back up to the stage...

Fran's signature kick

One look and smile from this guy and my heart melts into a pool of butter.

Dougie's signature stance

Look at them! They seem to have so much fun together...it's infectious. "Just need to get closer, closer...lean on me now, lean on me now..."

Happy happy Travis fans


This time for the finale they all came out and performed "3 Times and You Lose" for the first time live (per Fran), and also "Battleships" which they hadn't played the night before. Anne and Becky are relatively new Travis fans and were totally won over! I left Anne in charge of the camera for most of the night and I have about 50 pictures of Dougie. What can I say? The lad's chemistry is undeniable. The drive home was a bit long and I didn't fall into bed until nearly 2:30am...not to mention my throat is sore from screaming. But oh, it was worth it for sure. Now I'm dying to get back to Glasgow.

e + b forever

When we were little I so envied Bridget's short, straight, dark brown bob. I remember thinking that she was the cutest little girl I knew and I wished I could look just like her. (I longed for dark hair, dark eyes, dark skin.) What a blessing it is when dear childhood friends grow into dear adulthood friends. She was there for me when I was at my most broken, after I had lost my job and my dad was in the hospital. Those days I was humiliated, wretched, unworthy, despairing, afraid of the future, rejected, anxious, ordinary, small. When I felt as though I was worth so little, Bridget was always encouraging, always gentle, always loving, always affirming. We would take walks and eat gelato, watch movies, talk and talk and talk, enjoy the small blessings that we were given every day. I honestly don't know how I would have made it through that storm without her walking with me through the darkness. Bridget and I were children together and it's important to both of us to keep that childlike spirit alive. I love getting lost in fantasy worlds, in science fiction, in natural science, in books with her. Who else understands the special affection I have for Captain James T. Kirk? Who else knows what it really FEELS LIKE to be lost in Middle Earth, Narnia, Fantasia, Hogwarts?

Loyal, honest, creative, magical, beautiful, caring, thoughtful, fun, dramatic, generous...

Bridget, I love you.

Lost in Lasers

Last night Sarah and I went down to the Science Center to hear Kim's band's (Mono in VCF) debut album...the laser technicians had created an entire laser show set to the soundtrack of their music. It sounded SO great!
I can't even remember the last time I went to a laser show. It was probably Pink Floyd or maybe The Beatles (Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band). Laser shows were definately invented in the psychadelic '60s when everyone was tripping out. I just love laying back and feeling like I am floating through space...it's almost as good as Space Mountain! (But not quite.)

Last Night

I retrieved my journal (a little tattered, dirty, abused...but every page still there), ate a cheeseburger & fries from Dick's (which I've been craving for about three weeks), and fell in love with Lloyd Dobbler.

Can you believe I'd never seen Say Anything? "Basic" boy pursues supersmart girl, makes her laugh, they fall in love. John Cusack, everyone. Can he ever play a character that is unloveable?

Miracles in everyday life

I came into work this morning and had an e-mail from a Seattle woman who found a black leatherbound journal on the side of the road while walking her dog last Thursday afternoon. It contained no identification but there was an e-mail written "from an Erin Hanson to a Gwen Crook" folded up inside. She wrote to the e-mail address on the note and wondered if I knew who the journal might belong to? I am overwhelmed and giddy with excitement and praise. That which was so precious to me (and was lost, or rather, stolen) has been FOUND! I tend to underestimate the goodness in people I think (perhaps because ashamedly I find little that is truly good in myself most of the time...selfishness prevails) but this is one of those occurences that makes me think, people are good. I am so glad the thief tossed it out onto the street instead of burning it or throwing it away in the garbage where it might have never been discovered! Praise the Lord!

I've loved these girls my whole life.

The best friends and sisters to one who has none.

Can't wait for tonight! Thank you for your faithfulness to me...

Stolen!!

Goodbye, Govn'r. You served the Hanson family well 1997-2007.

Sad but true. Grand theft auto strikes the life and times of Erin Hanson. I had the most wonderful evening with the Roundhills and Gordons after youth group last night...cupcakes, pumpkin pie, baby gifts, karaoke...and pulled into my favorite parking spot right in front of the house around midnight. Slept soundly, woke up late (as usual), got dressed, and flew out the door at 7:15am sharp to discover...nothing but the curb, street, and fallen leaves; my car GONE! I should say I'm not surprised. Honda Accords are very frequently stolen. It is more of an inconvenience than anything, and I'm more mildly irritated than upset. The three things I am sad to be gone are:

1. The September '07 issue of Vogue ("Our biggest issue EVER!") which I just began to read

2. My favorite blanket which I got at H&M in London during the Christmas of '04

3. My journal which contains thoughts and records of events over the past 3-4 years

I wish they would have emptied out the car and left these things lying in the street at least. I'm especially sad about the journal as I'm sure there are many things contained therein that I will never recapture even if I was able to lock myself in a room for three days straight and try to remember everything that's happened and how I felt about it. I mean, it's totally impossible.

There is of course still a chance that the car (and/or its contents) will be found. But I am not expecting this to happen.

So...I called the police, spoke to the officers, filed my report; called the insurance company and made my claim; took a shower; walked 15 blocks to the rental place and got myself a nice Hyundai Elantra; and arrived at work only three hours late.

We just never know what can happen in a day, do we?

Brrrrr.

I'm cold. Really, really cold. The tips of my fingers are cold. The tip of my nose is cold. My giant mug of tea grows cold before I can drink even half. In the mid-fall the cold seems to seep into my very bones and stay there until I am thawed by the first warmer breezes of Spring...so in Seattle that means I'm cold from mid-October to late March. Hibernation sure sounds nice. Crackling fires sound too good to be true. I could cry for want of a warm bath in the evenings. *Sigh*

Aren't these little gloves cute?

My Favorite Glaswegians.

Andy, Fran, Neil, Dougie.

TRAVIS.

Seattle 11.17.07

Portland 11.18.07

I can't WAIT.

Thank you Sarah; Nicole; Kris.

Internet Magic

This morning like any other day I checked my e-mail, Facebook, and MySpace to see if I had any new messages. To my utter delight and shock my very best friend from the 1st and 2nd Grade has found me on MySpace and wrote a short note. She was packing up to move from San Francisco to New York and found an old box of letters from Erin Hanson..."if your parents' names are Rod and Kathy and you had a pet rabbit named Cloud, do you remember me?"

So many childhood memories instantly came flooding back. I'm really rather speechless. YunHee and I cried when her family moved to Michigan when we were eight years old. I remember going over to her house one last time and feeling like a piece of my heart was moving across the country. We exchanged letters faithfully from that time until through 8th grade or so, and then just lost track of each other...

...I can't believe that after 17 years she's found me again. I immediately wrote back and so did she, recounting so many details of early elementary school that I remember too...all of the old kids in our class, spelling bees, reading groups...she's never met Michael (my brother) but knows about him from my letters, she knows my parents' house, she wonders how they are...I'm totally overwhelmed. I have her address now and she has mine and we are going to try & exchange letters once again...

Internet magic!!