photo envy

lately i have fallen in love with the photography of peggy sirota.
i first noticed her photographs of matthew fox and evangeline lilly of LOST in a february issue of entertainment weekly...and most recently i stumbled across a photo shoot she did with the cast of twilight for vanity fair's december 2008 issue. i love how the subjects look relaxed and happy...in motion...and mostly, i love the light. ADORE the light. beautiful, so beautiful. warm, glowing, forgiving, radiant. i'd love to be captured in such light.

my glaswegian honeys

oh and p.s.
i saw travis sunday night at the showbox.
i have been on a scottish high all week.
when dan and i first saw them there back in the summer of 2000, they delighted the crowd by doing a cover of britney's "...baby one more time".

this time it was the girly hit of summer 2008:



...not a fan of katy perry but loved franny singing this song. emily, steph, and i were belting it out and hopping like maniacs. (in the 2nd/3rd row to the left of where this video was taken.)

wish i had a video of dougie for you but it's probably good i don't...you'd be mesmerized and unable to look away from that boyish grin and those swaying hips.

i love them SO MUCH.

wednesday.

this morning i woke up early and watched in bruges.

it made me feel like i missed europe, so i went out, bought a hot chocolate and a little pastry, and walked around the lake with my thoughts.
they wandered far and wide and every word went to God's compassionate ear.
then i came home and sought out new music:
jars of clay, santigold (she just changed it from santogold in february), band of horses, and company of thieves:



(nicole and i saw the above video in nordstrom earlier this week and i stood absolutely transfixed. who was this band so inspired by wes anderson's rushmore?)

i also purchased two episodes of punky brewster as they were on sale.

dinner with my parents and LOST tonight. a very excellent day, despite the sun playing peek-a-boo.

prodigal bee returns to the hive

i've been dreaming nearly every night about working.
the time has come.
i'm excited to re-enter the workforce.
i'm on a mission to secure employment ASAP.
any ideas for me?

australia!

i did manage to make it south of the equator for the third time in my life earlier this month...sydney! my only regret is that the city lights were too bright for me to see the stars. otherwise, it was a perfect escape from winter to summer. hot, sunny, and teeming with gorgeous people, sydney reminded me of a southern london/seattle/new york. mandy, amiliah, and i had another fantastic trip together:


darling harbour


southern foliage

fish & chips

sydney opera house

sydney harbour bridge

opera house steps

bondi beach

giving the bird to australia (flight of the conchords)

hyde park fountain + st. mary's

sydney tower

view from bridge

across the harbour

sydney observatory

batman (flying fox at dusk)

flying foxes in the garden

drinking fountain

royal botanic gardens

through hyde park...

blargh. blog.

it's 3:30 in the afternoon and i am sitting on my bed eating cocoa puffs right out of the box. i really prefer my cereal with milk but i've been planning on making a grocery run for the last three days and still haven't managed to get around to it. currently the entire contents of my fridge consist of hot fudge, caramel sauce, plain yogurt, a few withered clementines, and coconut coffee creamer. looks like yogurt for dinner!

i was about to watch an episode of party of five: season 1, which i have borrowed from my mother, but decided to blog instead. it's been quite a while as i've felt for quite some time that i have nothing interesting to say. perhaps this is not interesting either.

it's disappointing and amusing to me to realize that even in my current state of life where i am beholden to no one and nothing, and all of my time is my own, i still feel the same old twangs of regret, longing, and restlessness. i've learned that situational happiness is really all about attitude, not circumstance. it is indeed possible to have joy in suffering, and alternately dissatisfaction in seeming perfection. i have all this time and yet i have not written more than a few words, read any books at all, learned to play the guitar, looked at more art, learned another language, forged any new relationships or significantly deepened existing ones. it's frustrating to see myself continually pushing away these lofty goals in exchange for hours watching TV or refreshing my facebook page to see if by chance anyone has thought of me. frustrating that desire for change does not bring about change.

the only thing i can really be proud of is my increased physical activity. lots of long walks, hot yoga, and i've even been nursing an odd, old desire to run again. still, even in this i am unsatisfied. i nag myself to sharpen my mental self in concurrence with the physical. in a way i miss the long, lonely days of teenagerhood when there was no internet and no one to call and therefore the best way to spend time was to read several books a week or write letters out on the grass behind the house or down at the marina.

i guess i just feel like i'm not living up to my potential. like paul i can't stand how i do the things i do not wish to do and vice versa. anyway. thoughts for a very chilly spring afternoon.

enough

i wish i had what i needed
to be on my own
'cause i feel so defeated
and i'm feeling alone.
and it all seems so helpless
and i have no plans
i'm a plane in the sunset
with nowhere to land.
and all i see
it could never make me happy
and all my sand castles
spend their time collapsing...

let me know that You hear me
let me know Your touch
let me know that You love me
and let that be enough.

it's my birthday tomorrow
no one here could know
i was born on a thursday
twenty-two years ago.
and i feel stuck
watching history repeating
yeah, who am i
just a kid who knows he's needy...

let me know that You hear me
let me know Your touch
let me know that You love me
and let that be enough.

(switchfoot)

oscars 2009

in the major categories, everyone i wanted to win, did.

congratulations milk, penélope, heath, kate, sean, danny, and slumdog millionaire.
i never get tired of this stuff.
i love it.

hermes/mercury

um...i want these shoes:


(jeremy scott for adidas originals by originals)

ms. bristow

i'm running away again.


this time to the ends of the earth.

i heard a descriptive phrase yesterday...'chronic dissatisfaction.' hm.

still, not yet

"Healthy people radiate energy; their skin and eyes shine. I open a sluggish eye each morning, thinking, 'What fresh hell is this?' I brighten up only after the second latte. Do healthy people do that? No. They bounce from bed and shout, 'Yes, I can!' or 'Bring it on!'"
(Vicki Woods, January 2009 Vogue)

hahahahaha.

tomorrow is hot yoga, class 2. i am loving how much i can sweat.

no books yet

"When nothing is decided, the space between two lives is infinite. I was barely me anymore. I felt so young and so empty you could see right through me."
(Joan Juliet Buck, December 2008 Vogue)

"there's something about sunday nights..."

well, hello.

i've been absent for quite some time...i'm tempted to say because nothing of interest has been going on in my life, but that would be untrue. life continues rushing over, around, through, and i am carried on the tide. something about today, the quiet grey, the snow flurries, and sad music on the radio...lines of poetry i can't remember anymore, the dark unfolding, the stillness of the house, the desire for sleep: it's got me all reflective and resolute. so, starting tomorrow:

*i will drink at least 64oz of water each day
*i will wash my face every night before bed
*i will polish up the resume (so my father doesn't continue to worry)
*i will start reading a book, then another, then another, then another, then another
*i will write in my journal every morning (it was lost for three weeks)
* i will keep my room tidy

these are simple things that will, hopefully, create some order in my life...some rules to follow, some purposeful action, that will then begin to seep into the drive behind grander purposes...meaning, dear reader, it is with a heavy heart that i admit the honeymoon is over. it's back to the real world for me. i need to find a job, and be responsible again, and carry my portion of the weight of the world.

i've been watching a few episodes of my so-called life as time permits. that brian krakow is so freaking adorable. i'd like to think i saw past his nerdiness the first time around but i think i remember the magnetic pull of jordan catalano like every other flannel-clad teenage girl at the time. rickie made me cry then and makes me cry now. i can't remember how it all ends...two discs left.

















there have been many things to celebrate in '09 already...three weddings in a row for starters. sarah lytle and matthew dickerson, kelley riggio and gregg brown, caroline matthias and mike cobb. the birth of sweet hazel mae roundhill. the kickoff of the LBC winter season (the new retreat center/TCL building is gorgeous...and the fellowship is the sweetest anywhere.) in other news, after years of searching, i finally found the perfect brown boots at anthropolgie. i bought a purple marc jacobs purse. i am still looking for the perfect grey skinny jeans.

this week i look forward to slumdog millionaire, my first foray into hot yoga, lots of long walks in the winter air, reading up on Oscar odds...and more to be revealed i'm sure. dreaming up schemes for the next year filled with the washington coast, canada, the midwest, los angeles, san francisco, minneapolis, washington DC, new york, scotland, dubai, costa rica, greece & turkey. (believe it or not, opportunities for all...if only i can fund it.)

time to rein in these scattered, silly thoughts. i have been so blessed, i do have hope, and look forward to whatever is waiting on the other side of this corner i'm rounding.

hôtel de glace

"ah, bleak and chill the wintry wind..."

but no snow. yet.

i sit and wait in the dim light, in my warm house, where the air smells like freshly baked sugar cookies and the singers unlimited sing to me (my favorite 1970's a capella german quartet. look them up. the essential hanson family christmas album.)

in browsing old unread e-mails i came across a offer for a weekend stay at the hôtel de glace in quebec:























everything is made of snow and ice, even the chandeliers, the beds, the chairs, the glasses and plates in the dragon bar. everything but the blazing fire stoves and (what looks like) the caribou skins to wrap up in. breathtaking! i think i need to learn french.

...and he sings.

aimee mann + john krasinSKAY