spring is here!!...now what?

Proverbs 13:12.

Ever feel like you just have nothing to look forward to?
Yeah.
Disappointment, and a little TOO MUCH possibility.
I have a pretty vast imagination, and my imagination tends to get carried away with possibility. In fact, I've been known to get pretty drunk on possibility.
It's a great high and an awfully hard crash into reality.
For a very long time I've been diligent about crushing any little buds of hope that attempted to spring up out of the dark unknown. I thought it was better to kill them while they were young and new, before they had a chance to really bloom...because if they were allowed to grow tall and beautiful, wouldn't it just hurt that much more when they wilted and died? But the theme of my life these days is newness and I'm trying to be different, truly a new creation, not a squasher of life and hope but a cultivator. It's a struggle as I resist vulnerability with a staggering fierceness. I feel like a baby deer trembling on its new legs, wanting to be bold and run but so unskilled. And when the little disappointments come there's a voice that whispers loudly in my ear, "YOU ABSOLUTE FOOL." Foolish to think that good things could come to me, foolish to think I was something special, foolish to think anything could change.
I know this is not Truth. But it is my weak spot (like an arrow into Smaug), and I hear it, and believe it, and hang my head and feel ashamed of myself.

Lest you be concerned about "where this is coming from," nowhere really. I had a GREAT weekend. Pictures to come soon. But I will say, it is hard to go from abundant sunshine and penetrating warmth back to damp, and chill, and wan light breaking through endless layers of grey clouds.